I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize