Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
