i think i have herpe
just one?
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
