put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
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