I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
