Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
