i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
