Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Randomize
