i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
