i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
