my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
