i think my mom watched the whole time
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
3pm strippers are depressing
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
