dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
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