if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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