That's when you crack a 10am beer
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
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