you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
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