It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
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