OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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