So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
