Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
