He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Randomize
