So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
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