she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
