So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Randomize
