I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Randomize
