I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Randomize
