Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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