Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
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