hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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