yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
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