I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
