remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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