She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
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I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
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You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
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