Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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