I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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