how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
