let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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