Tap Here to view the Mobile Optimized TFLN
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Randomize
Follow @tfln