Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(630): View more from Illinois

I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg

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(630): I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg http://tfl.nu/sw6a

Replies (15) Good night (1381) Bad night (4038)
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(248): View more from Michigan

I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.

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(248): I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent. http://tfl.nu/jxt2

Replies (108) Good night (13921) Bad night (1184)
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(201): View more from New Jersey

your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night

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(201): your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night http://tfl.nu/mrgx

Replies (18) Good night (1097) Bad night (4555)
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(302): View more from Delaware

I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn

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(302): I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn http://tfl.nu/trfc

Replies (14) Good night (5416) Bad night (1362)
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(256): View more from Alabama

Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.

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(256): Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs. http://tfl.nu/y8sy

Replies (23) Good night (2302) Bad night (4568)
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(309): View more from Illinois

They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend

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(309): They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend http://tfl.nu/32kc

Replies (2) Good night (2241) Bad night (643)
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(917): View more from New York City

I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.

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(917): I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus. http://tfl.nu/e2af

Replies (9) Good night (4188) Bad night (991)
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(806): View more from Texas

Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.

(1-806): View more from Texas

Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.

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(806): Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk. (1-806): Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess. http://tfl.nu/c175

Replies (15) Good night (2525) Bad night (1123)
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(517): View more from Michigan

Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.

(517): View more from Michigan

We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by

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(517): Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity. (517): We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by http://tfl.nu/0fvy

Replies (9) Good night (3020) Bad night (812)
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(817): View more from Texas

I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home

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(817): I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home http://tfl.nu/rtxe

Replies (4) Good night (1823) Bad night (578)
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(202): View more from Washington, DC

When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.

(202): View more from Washington, DC

We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon

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(202): When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle. (202): We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon http://tfl.nu/62rc

Replies (6) Good night (1454) Bad night (468)
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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .

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(215): So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand . http://tfl.nu/gg9e

Replies (22) Good night (1096) Bad night (2836)
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(410): View more from Maryland

Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.

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(410): Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher. http://tfl.nu/m5qa

Replies (10) Good night (352) Bad night (772)
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(870): View more from Arkansas

I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.

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(870): I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me. http://tfl.nu/8alm

Replies (2) Good night (459) Bad night (224)
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(850): View more from Florida

I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.

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(850): I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again. http://tfl.nu/tqvr

Replies (5) Good night (710) Bad night (202)

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