as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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