1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon