i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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