After last night, I could never be a politician.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
We have so much sex to catch up on
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
