If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
