Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Randomize
