thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
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It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
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I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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