She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
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