I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize