Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
She even gives head with a lisp.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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