last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
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It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
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They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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