You work out of a Hotel?
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
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