It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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