That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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