I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
