i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
