her vagine was all disorganized.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
