Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
