I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
