I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
