I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
