U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
