Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
