Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
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