its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
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