guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
