If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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