OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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