I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
