Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Randomize
