Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
