you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
