so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
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