Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
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